We often talk about ways to introduce your partner to the world of BDSM and some of the best ways to explain your appreciation to the kinkier side of the world. But what happens in the opposite scenario? What happens if you are someone who dislikes the entire idea and needs to find a way to break the news to their partner? There are many guys that don’t like BDSM, but what can you do about it?
Know your reasons
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. This also means that you will need to explain your reasons and tell your partner about things you dislike. In this case, it might involve some BDSM activities or the entire idea behind it. You have every right to dislike something.
But at the same time, this might be something your partner enjoys. And they deserve to know the truth. Start thinking about all the reasons you don’t want to practice BDSM. Once you get a clear idea of things you don’t like, you will have an easier time presenting them to your partner.
Understand that you two are sexually incompatible
Before we go into all the details about what might happen and the rest of the relationship, you need to understand that you and your partner are sexually incompatible. And there is no other way around it. Yes, it is possible to make the best of the situation, but their desire won’t go away, and it shouldn’t.
People are free to like and dislike what they want. And just as you are not a fan of BDSM relationships, they dislike vanilla stuff. It is as simple as that. Now, the BDSM community is quite versatile, and there are many elements that are integral to it. Just saying BDSM doesn’t tell us a lot. The term itself is used to describe bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism in the broadest terms.
Once you eliminate sex from the relationship, it can lead to frustration for both partners. So, regardless of what they are into, there is a high chance that you won’t manage to make it work.
Be honest about your thoughts
All of this is just another reason to be honest with your partner. You need to tell them what is on your mind, regardless of how hard it might be. The reason why this is so important is that being fully honest is the only way to proceed forward.
If there is a way to make the relationship work, your partner needs to know every single detail. The last thing you need is to waste each other’s time. But if there is a chance that you can find a middle ground, you should both aim towards it.
Look for common ground
So, what to do if you aren’t into BDSM? If you are honest with your partner, you can proceed to look for common ground. Ask yourself if there are elements of your partner’s kink that are exciting to you. Would you be willing to try out role-play? BDSM sex can be quite versatile, and it doesn’t mean that everything revolves around gimp suits, whips, and chains.
There is so much more to it. Once your partner starts explaining the things they enjoy doing, you can consider whether they fall in your comfort zone. After all, physical restraint is quite common among vanilla couples as well, and a lot of people are using handcuffs from Laidtex.com without being a part of the BDSM community.
Additional facts about sexual incompatibility
Communication can only get you to a certain point. But being sexually incompatible with your partner can ripple through the rest of the relationship. In simple terms, your partner wishes for something you don’t want to do. And that is a problem. You can’t ask them to forget about their kinks and desires any more than they can ask you to do something you don’t want to do.
If you are not able to find a common ground, it can lead to sexual frustration. One of the things that might help you along the way is looking for a sex therapist. There are people out there who dedicate their lives to helping couples. They’ve seen it before, and they have a couple of tricks up their sleeve.
Breaking up is always an option, but you shouldn’t jump straight to that. It’s always easy to abandon the relationship; working for it is hard. But what is better is to try and find a way to make it work, so both you and your partner are satisfied in the end.
