The Struggles of Bisexual Women When It Comes to Relationships

People think that bisexual women have it good. All they have to do is meet people, and they’ll have a dating partner, right? They can date men, or they can take advantage of their attraction to women and date girls. The dating pool of a bisexual woman is twice as big as the one of a straight person. Right?

Well, if you ask bisexual people, they’ll tell you that not everything is as peachy as others think. First of all, just because a girl is bi doesn’t mean she wants to enter into a monogamous relationship (or any other relationship) with everyone she meets.

Furthermore, sexual orientation matters to some people, even within the queer community. Not everyone wants to date a bi girl because there’s a lot of prejudice on both sides. Some straight men think bi girls will cheat on them with another girl, while some lesbians think that bi girls are secretly straight and are just “experimenting.”

It seems like bi people simply can’t win, can they?

Bisexual Women by the Numbers

When it comes to bisexual identity, no matter how and when you present it, people will question it. Although the number of people who identify as bisexual is on the rise, and more and more people admit to the attraction to both sexes, there are still many stigmas.

Also, don’t think that it’s just straight people who believe in stereotypes and have prejudice regarding bisexuals. Oh, no — the LGBTQ community also shoulders some blame. When a bi girl is in a relationship with a man, some go so far as to ostracise her from the community. It’s as if they don’t know that sexuality is a spectrum.

What Do the Numbers Say?

Of course, not everyone thinks that being bi is a big deal — most members of the queer community applaud bi women who are coming out in record numbers.

Overall, around 3.5% of Americans identify as either gay, bisexual, or lesbian (and 0.3% identify as trans). Now, considering that bisexual women take a lot of heat for their sexuality, it’s surprising to hear that most of the women who identify as belonging to the LGB community actually identify as (you, you’ve guessed it) bisexual.

Around 1.1% of surveyed women identify as lesbians, while the rest (2.2%) identify as bisexual. On top of that, 11% of surveyed people in the USA consider both sexes to be sexually attractive.

So, if the numbers aren’t lying, and many people feel sexual attraction towards both men and women (and everyone in between), why is it so hard for bi girls to get a date?

The Realities of Bisexuality

If you ask a person who knows nothing about bisexuality (or any other sexuality for that matter), they’ll tell you that bisexual people want to sleep with everyone.

Yeah, that’s highly unlikely (at best). Do straight men want to sleep with ALL women? Do straight women want to sleep with ALL men? Of course not.

(Bi)Sexual Attraction

The same goes for bisexuals. They feel sexual attraction to people of both sexes, but not ALL people (just to hammer that point home). What’s more, if a bisexual person is involved with someone, that doesn’t mean they automatically change their sexuality, so it reflects their current relationship. In other words, bi girls who have dated women were still bi while dating them, and they were (surprise, surprise) still bi when they had a male partner as well.

Most bisexuals do lean to one side though. They are more attracted to one sex than the other. That does vary, and much like anything else regarding sex and attraction, it isn’t set in stone.

What’s more, bisexual women report different kinds of attraction to different sexes. That might stem from the fact that dating men and women (as a woman) is completely different. Straight couples and gay couples have completely different dynamics that aren’t driven by social norms.

In simple terms, a bi girl might not pursue a man as she would a woman. The reason for that are silly social norms. No matter how much we try to shake them off, some are persistently a part of our behavioral patterns.

Dating Challenges

Bi girls face unique dating challenges, which is why the internet is flooded with relationship tips for bisexual women. As if dating wasn’t complicated enough as it is, bi girls also have to  face the following:

• Their sexuality is often ridiculed or not taken seriously

Men who date bi girls assume they are straight (but curious), while women sometimes assume bi girls are gay (but in denial). Of course, that doesn’t always happen, but in both these cases, bi women are victims of bi-erasure. Finding a partner who doesn’t feel that way can be quite challenging.

• They are accused of “picking a side”

If a bi girl dates a man, she’ll often hear how she finally chose (the right) side or how her bisexuality was just a phase. On the other hand, if she dates a woman, she’ll (once again) hear that she chose a side and was a closeted lesbian all along.

• The dreaded threesome thing

People (men) will ask you if you have a friend who’d be willing to have a threesome with you two because people (men) can sometimes be idiots.

• The abandonment of the community

Many bi women who have a lot of queer friends are scared to tell them they are in a relationship with a man. They are afraid their friend group will “drop them” because they no longer fit within it. Sadly, this isn’t an unreasonable fear as many bi girls have been ostracised from the queer community for “picking a side.”

• Gay women think they’ll ditch them for a boy

Gay women have strong prejudice when it comes to bi girls, so they simply avoid dating them. That means that the “large dating pool” that bi women supposedly have isn’t so large after all.

Gay women think bi girls are just messing around with them but will bail when the right man appears so they can live a cookie-cutter, socially acceptable, heterosexual life. Now, this fear also isn’t that unfounded as bi girls do tend to “end up” with men quite often. However, that still doesn’t change the fact they are sexually attracted to women.

• Straight guys think they’ll ditch them for a girl

Insecure people often accuse bi girls of “messing around” with their female friends, which is another stumbling stone for bi girls when it comes to dating.

The Case of Cheating

Of course, nothing is as annoying as the stereotype that bi women cheat left and right. What’s more, people are sure that bi girls will cheat on them with a person of the opposite sex.

Listen, just because someone likes more than one sex doesn’t mean they’ll stumble into bed with anyone they meet.

People cheat for various reasons. However, being bisexual isn’t one of them. Suppose a bisexual woman cheats on her partner. In that case, that has nothing to do with her sexuality and everything to do with the circumstances of the relationship, her personality, and the situation she is in (in that moment).

Don’t Worry — There’s Also a Positive Side

Although there are many challenges, there are also amazing positive sides to being a bi girl.

• Choices

Although some will turn their noses up on bi girls, most won’t. That means that the dating pool is indeed bigger.

• The appreciation

People often praise girls who come out as bi. They can pass for straight but choose not to, which brings more visibility and awareness to the LGBTQ community and helps with the normalization of queerness. Yay, bi girls!

• No questioning

Other people might question your sexuality, but you never will. You’ll never have the sexuality crisis that comes with being a straight girl who thinks her friend is super hot. What’s more, you’ll never have the existential crisis of a gay woman who thinks she wouldn’t kick Jason Momoa out of her bed.

• You can give up on (enter sex here) without actually giving up on dating

Women often “give up on men” and stop dating for a while. Bi girls can give up on either men or women and still keep having a fun dating life.

• You never assume someone’s sexuality

Having people assume your sexuality is the worst, and you’re fully aware of that. So, naturally, you don’t do it to other people. Some might not care, but the ones who do will greatly appreciate you!