Gay Sex and Relationships: Busting Common Myths
Not that long ago, gay pride parades were unimaginable. Gay people around the globe had to keep their sexual behavior to themselves, keeping their sexual orientation hidden. It would often put a strain on their mental health, and sexual abuse rates were high. In fact, it wasn’t until 1973 that the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the list of mental illnesses.
In recent times, LGBT people have gone a long way to getting accepted by heterosexual couples. Today, the U.S. society has gone from subtle changes (such as accepting that it’s an orientation and not a disease) to widespread acceptance that gay is okay.
Nonetheless, there are still many myths flying around when it comes to gay sex and sexual behavior. Heterosexual men and women often equate a gay man with something perverse. They often feel that gay, lesbian, and bisexual sex partners do things in a certain manner that doesn’t always hold true. Let’s check out some of the most common sex myths and see if they’re true. Spoiler alert: they’re not.
Anal Sex Is Easy
A gay couple (two men) doesn’t have vaginal sex at their disposal, so when they are doing the deed, they have to do it anally. Most people who don’t understand how things actually work think that for gay guys, having anal is a piece of cake. The idea is that you just look at a guy in the pub and you’re good to go. Before you know it, he’s got you pushed against the wall and is drilling you where the sun don’t shine. However, that’s far from true. In fact, it’s arguably even tougher than regular vaginal sex as there’s a lot of preparation needed.
First of all, you have to use a douche or a water enema to clean out your butt. So not only do you have to have those items at hand, but the process can last up to 30 minutes. Some people say they often have to prepare for it in advance and think about what they’re going to eat on the day.
Additionally, you can’t just pop it in whenever you want and start thunderblasting. The receiver’s anus has to relax and stretch so that the activity isn’t too painful. As you can see, there’s a lot that goes into this equation.
Sex Means Penetration
Another common myth says that the only way gay couples can have sex is by penetration. If you believe this, ask yourself: is penetration the only form of sex for straight people as well? The truth is, many people like to engage in other forms of sex, such as oral. In fact, some studies show that only 17% of surveyed gay people engage in anal sex.
That’s way too low of a number for this myth to be true. However, this is not a myth that only ignorant straight people believe in. Gay people often think like that as well. There’s a certain kind of pressure within the community for guys to participate in a certain kind of sex.
You Are Either Top or Bottom
For those unfamiliar with the terminology — the top is the person who does the penetration, while the bottom is the one who gets penetrated. Many people believe that you can’t do both — you’re either top or bottom. They often come to a conclusion based on their physical appearance or even race. For instance, when you see a tall, muscular guy, most people assume they’re top. However, this isn’t necessarily true, especially when you consider the fact that, more often than not, these are not fixed roles.
Since both participants have the same toolbox, sex roles can be interchangeable. That can change depending on your mood and the person you’re with, and it can all change from one night to the other.
There Is a Man and a Woman in a Relationship
This is a myth that most probably came to be when straight people tried to wrap their heads around the idea of a same-sex couple. When you come from a place where you have traditionally defined roles in a relationship, it’s hard to understand that it can be different. Simply, someone has to take the role of a female, even if both parties are men. Many gay people say they’ve often been asked who the girl was. People often assume the one who’s more feminine or less physical is playing the female role.
However, that is simply a projection of heterosexual couples. In gay relationships, there’s no such thing as one being a guy and the other a girl. They’re just men who like other men.
Being Gay Means Having Sex With Multiple Partners
This is a common one that comes from the idea that there’s a certain gay lifestyle. It’s not just something popped out of the blue, and the media has a lot to do with this myth. People outside of the community have heard of apps such as Grindr, where you can just show up and have a one-night stand whenever you like. The truth is that there is a large group of people who opt for this kind of activity and often have multiple relationships at a time. However, that’s also true for many straight men and women.
That doesn’t mean that all gay guys do this. Monogamy is just as much of a thing in gay relationships as it is with straight couples. While there is a larger percentage of homosexuals who have an open relationship than heterosexuals, it’s not a rule that they live and die by.
This myth can also be damaging to gay men, as it creates pressure for them to be polygamists. If they don’t do so, it questions their masculinity, so some people even feel forced to go out with multiple partners. But, as we’ve said, monogamy is still a common thing.
